Updated: Feb 1, 2022
Regret by Uniquely Big Beauty, Founder
The start of our relationship was bliss. Until we made love you became territorial. You treated me like I wasn't worth it. You had so many accusations just to catch me in "lies". You knew that I was faithful but yet you still tried. Insisted that I cheated on you but you were doing wrong. You used and abused me. That's not love.
What am I to do when you're stuck in my mind? It's hard to put the past behind. Moving on one single step at a time. What am I to do when we stare eye to eye passing by? Can't speak, can't think. Scared my heart will skip a beat. Can't help but flashback to that night. Hands cradled the life within me. Eyes closed, pleading to not let us die.
I put on a front that I am strong. No need for pity because nothing's wrong. I mask my emotions so I don't cry. But understand it's all a lie. I always defended them but I was the victim. Books call it the honeymoon phase. It's good from the start and then later they change. Put up with it because I didn't want to admit that I was wrong. I was so ashamed. I had no one to blame but myself all along. I constantly rehearsed in my mind that we were fine. Kept a smile on my face but my expressions were fake.
Made the mistake of staying....
Living with regret daily questioning self. What happened? Was I the cause of this? What can I do to fix the situation? What went wrong? Truth is nothing. You did nothing so you feel like nothing. Why are you there? What is your purpose? Walking on eggshells trying not to piss them off. Not knowing when the next outburst will come. Ignorant and blinded by your own fantasies of what life was before madness came. The flowers, gifts, watching your favorite program together, fixing dinners and the way they used to look at you. NOW the looks, stares, threats, sudden reactions and close contact (beauties. You know). You'd close your eyes wishing the next day would arrive and then here you are apologizing for a situation that was at no fault of you but you do so just so time would swiftly drift away. You are not living as a free being. This beauties, is misery.
Mind Control by: Uniquely Big Beauty, Founder
Your constant movements. I'm keeping an eye. Always close by. Invisibly by your side. Looking over your shoulder Not sure if I'll appear. Though I may not be there physically. I am right up here.
Any human being that degrades, humiliates, yells at or is physically aggressive towards you has no respect for you. I don't care what the claim is about, that gives NO ONE the right to be disrespectful. Those who love YOU accept ALL with arms wide open, lips puckered up, feeling hot and bothered by your sexiness. That is true love! All the other dramatics that disrespectful people do is unnecessary, and you don't need their bull. It's time to get the freak out because you deserve to be happy and sane. Every scenario is different but the history of it is the same however you have many possibilities in front of you. The outcome is up to you.
Speaking from experience, we get it. Thoughts play with your mind, but you need to move on. You need to be able to stand on higher ground and look beyond. This doesn’t mean that you cannot glance at the past, but you must do so without reaction or having a feeling towards it. Remember the past is just a lesson that you can look back on for instruction of what not to do. To completely cross out those bad paths that way you can step on another that is right for you. People say you must forgive them to move on. That is not true. You must forgive yourself for the decisions and situations you put yourself in. Once you are able to climb that mountain, look forward and forgive your actions, then you are able to live. You are FREE.
The most important part is that you have to be content with yourself. Healing takes time, patience and understanding but you have to be willing to take the steps necessary to get to a place in your heart where you can accept CHANGE. If you can do that then honey everything will be just fine as you continue this journey in moving forward.